Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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