1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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