girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
