i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
