he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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