There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize