An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
