okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
