I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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