Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
