just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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