your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
