The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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