I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize