here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
