Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
