Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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