Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
