I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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