Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize