I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize