i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
