We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
