Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
