I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
