Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
