Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
