if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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