____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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