Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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