How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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