and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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