you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
