You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize