im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize