Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
