i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
