well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
