She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
