I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
