Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
