People in love make me want to vomit
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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