1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
