O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
