3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
