I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
