I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize