shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
