We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
