If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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