His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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