her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
