Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
