Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
