with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
