How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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