she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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