Do vagina's smell?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
