So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
