I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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