i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
