I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize