One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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